Step 3 is also called "the decision step." And I wish I could say that once I made the decision to trust in God there was no going back, my course was set, and I would feel indefinite peace.
Unfortunately it hasn't worked that way. I keep turning it over to God, and then frantically taking it back. I am one of those people who painfully watches my children try to accomplish something before snatching it out of their hands and taking control to be sure that it is done correctly. The right way. My way.
But of course, I'm not the only one who has felt this way, so the manual addresses it.
"We are not able to suddenly make this decision and then be unwavering about it. ' At first our efforts were anxious and halting. We kept giving the Lord our trust and then taking it back.'"
I'm slowly learning that part of turning my will toward the Savior is turning over my reactions, my fears, my frustrations.
I can not stop those feelings from coming, to do so would be to make me unhuman.
But I can cope with them. Elder Richard G. Scott
"Heavenly Father does not want us to minimize our reactions to life. He asks that we accept what He gives us and then take to Him our feelings and the truth about our lives."
Trusting in God doesn't mean that we believe he will remove our trials or change our circumstances. It means that we trust that in spite of them, we can feel peace and joy. When feelings of fear overcome us, we can turn to him, and let them go, believing that even if our worst case scenario plays out, he will bring us peace and we will be blessed in spite of it.
"When we learn to place our complete trust in God's will, we will not necessarily have fewer trials, but we will always receive and endowment of spiritual strength, comfort and guidance to help us."
A friend shared with me a symbolic behavior she began to represent her new attitude of "Let go, let God." With particular regard to trying to control others, or being fearful of their choices, or letting their behavior deprive her of serenity she instituted the God box. (I'm pretty sure this idea was passed along to her from past family members of addicts.) The God box is a box tightly wrapped and sealed with a hole in the top. I have yet to actually create such a box, but I practice this mentally on a regular basis. When someone else does something that intrudes on my happiness, I write their name on a piece of paper and deposit it in the box. It is how I turn the troubles of others over to the Lord, and quit allowing them to destroy my peace. Some members of my family, and a few others around me have been repeatedly symbolically placed, by me, in his care.
For me, trust in God means saying to him "Okay. Help me know what to do, and give me the strength to endure. And I will nurture my faith so that I can confidently pray with real intent to do as thou would have me do."
I can testify that the blessing of faith and trust in God is that his strength will come as promised. Trust is a big deal for us, wives of porn addicts, isn't it? How do we build trust with our addict? When they do what they say they are going to do. So it goes with God.
"Your peace of mind, your ultimate joy, depend upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ." -Richard G. Scott