02 May 2012

Step 3: Trust in God

Step 3 is also called "the decision step."  And I wish I could say that once I made the decision to trust in God there was no going back, my course was set, and I would feel indefinite peace.

Unfortunately it hasn't worked that way.  I keep turning it over to God, and then frantically taking it back.   I am one of those people who painfully watches my children try to accomplish something before snatching it out of their hands and taking control to be sure that it is done correctly.  The right way.  My way. 

But of course, I'm not the only one who has felt this way, so the manual addresses it.

"We are not able to suddenly make this decision and then be unwavering about it.  ' At first our efforts were anxious and halting.  We kept giving the Lord our trust and then taking it back.'"

I'm slowly learning that part of turning my will toward the Savior is turning over my reactions, my fears, my frustrations. 

I can not stop those feelings from coming, to do so would be to make me unhuman

But I can cope with them.  Elder Richard G. Scott

"Heavenly Father does not want us to minimize our reactions to life.  He asks that we accept what He gives us and then take to Him our feelings and the truth about our lives." 

Trusting in God doesn't mean that we believe he will remove our trials or change our circumstances.  It means that we trust that in spite of them, we can feel peace and joy.   When feelings of fear overcome us, we can turn to him, and let them go, believing that even if our worst case scenario plays out, he will bring us peace and we will be blessed in spite of it. 

"When we learn to place our complete trust in God's will, we will not necessarily have fewer trials, but we will always receive and endowment of spiritual strength, comfort and guidance to help us."

A friend shared with me a symbolic behavior she began to represent her new attitude of "Let go, let God."  With particular regard to trying to control others, or being fearful of their choices, or letting their behavior deprive her of serenity she instituted the God box.  (I'm pretty sure this idea was passed along to her from past family members of addicts.)  The God box is a box tightly wrapped and sealed with a hole in the top.  I have yet to actually create such a box, but I practice this mentally on a regular basis.  When someone else does something that intrudes on my happiness, I write their name on a piece of paper and deposit it in the box.  It is how I turn the troubles of others over to the Lord, and quit allowing them to destroy my peace.  Some members of my family, and a few others around me have been repeatedly symbolically placed, by me, in his care. 

For me, trust in God means saying to him "Okay. Help me know what to do, and give me the strength to endure.  And I will nurture my faith so that I can confidently pray with real intent to do as thou would have me do."

I can testify that the blessing of faith and trust in God is that his strength will come as promised.  Trust is a big deal for us, wives of porn addicts, isn't it?  How do we build trust with our addict? When they do what they say they are going to do.  So it goes with God.

"Your peace of mind, your ultimate joy, depend upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ."  -Richard G. Scott


  1. Trust is soooo big and then that trust is betrayed it is even harder to regain. I like what you said about trust in God "help me know what to do and help me to endure" It is more about trusting God than it is trusting the addict, isn't it? Allot of the time I think of them the same but they are very separate. If I trust God to know what is best. It doesn't matter what my loved one chooses because he has to trust God on his own. But my Trust in God will leave me knowing what is best for myself. Even if the choice hurts to make God will make me whole. no matter what any one else does or doesn't do. Thank you! you always get me thinking

  2. I love reading your experience with the steps . . . I'm on 2 right now, and am loving what I'm learning.
    And I started a blog so I have somewhere to dump all my random thoughts about what I'm learning through all this: http://workingtowardshealing.blogspot.com/
    We'll see how that goes :-)

  3. Jane,
    I too feel the constant back and forth of trusting and then doubting. I seems to take a deliberate effort or decision on my part to just trust and let God guide me. I think this is one of the hardest principles to learn no matter what our struggles. Thank you for your beautiful blog. You have such a beautiful way of explaining and sharing your experience. Keep believing!

  4. Awesome thoughts, Jane. I agree with Julie. You have a beautiful way of expressing yourself and your spirit shines through your words.

  5. This is the hardest part for me too. Thank you so much for your example and inspiration. I feel like everything you write is exactly how I feel.

  6. I've been mulling over the words that summed up your post, "How do we build trust with our addict? When they do what they say they are going to do. So it goes with God."
    I think it's similar to the idea taught by Alma where he counsels us to experiment upon the word. It's like God says, not sure if I can do it? Try me!

    In my case, I'll never be able to trust that God can heal me, if I don't start casting my burdens at His feet. I'll never know if He can change my heart, if I don't offer it to Him. Step by step, we can do this!