**Just a note, while I appreciate the well-wishes about our weekend away I want to say a couple things.
1. We had a good time, but our weekend wasn't without it's frustrating moments. Ladies, taking sex out of a relationship doesn't take away the problems. And as lovely as it sounds to have a romantic getaway without sex, for most of us there are so many complicated under-lying issues that while it was much needed it wasn't perfect. To be honest, it was an opportunity to peel away some more layers of hurt and disappointment. It all turned out well, and we both learned a lot, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side, eh?
2. The human part of each of us probably gets some satisfaction in hearing that someone else is jealous of us. But a little humility and a good taste of reality have taught me that none of us have it all. I will once again defer to someone else's wisdom. This time it is Mara, and I loved this post she wrote because I am so guilty of falling into that trap. She says this: "Coveting and envy is the energy of ignoring whatever it is that you have." Once again, the grass is greener ... blah blah blah.
Okay, having put that business behind me, I'll write what I really want to write about.
On our way home, Pete and I were speculating about the types of relationships other couples have. Do they have deep resentments and disappointments about their marriage? Do they discuss them? Do they know how to fix them?
I've been thinking a lot about this as I do my 4th Step inventory. Obviously many people are blessed with guidance, wisdom and seek learning without having to go through the 12-step program. But there are also many people out there who are unhappy and don't know how to change it, who are living with addicts and don't know where to turn or how to heal. And I'm not just talking about addiction, but other trials as well.
I know many of us have already made the point that it is easy to blame all our troubles on the addiction. But truthfully, Pete and I had issues with intimacy and other things before the addiction even became established, in fact some of his resentments were the root of his bad choices. And yet, until this addiction made our lives unmanagable we did little or nothing to address our unhappiness. We probably thought we were trying, but not with the desperation that motivates us now.
So I'm left to believe, that for us, and many other couples, without coming to terms with this addiction we would have continued on in a mediocre marriage. And to me this is the meaning behind the phrase "you can't know the sweet until you've tasted the bitter." Isn't it true then? That we can find gratitude for our trials, because before them we lacked the desire and/or capability to TRULY find meaning and joy in life?
I know this isn't true for everyone. Some choice individuals are blessed to have good priorities, daily gratitude, and endless charity without suffering. But I know, without a doubt, I am not one of those choice individuals.
What do you think?