30 October 2012

I am not helpless

Several months ago a woman from my ward started coming to group meetings, then we sometimes drove together and I heard her story.  Then a couple months ago she stopped coming to group.  And then stopped coming to church.  I called her Sunday and chatted and I invited her to come to group with me that night. 

She came.  It was a great meeting.  The love I feel for that [unfortunately growing] group of women is so profound.  But on our way home she confessed to me that she was hopeless.  She saw no way out of her misery.  She knew she was terribly insecure and she was sure her husband would never change.  (Ironically her husband is doing really well right now.)

So although she doesn't read my blog, I want to speak to her, and if anyone can relate to her I hope it will help.  She used phrases like

"I will always live in fear and anxiety."

"I can never be happy."

She is realistic enough to know that although leaving the marriage might be her choice, it wouldn't take away the hurt and insecurity.  But she also still believes that her circumstances, namely her husband's past indiscretions and present addictive behaviors, determine her happiness. 

I know that my situation hasn't been as devastating as hers, or maybe yours.  But I also know that the two aforementioned statements are lies.  Peace can replace fear, and happiness is possible. 

The trouble is, it takes work.  And my dear friend is so emotionally exhausted and hopeless that perhaps the idea of having to work to get there is just too overwhelming.  But at some point "the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution."

If there is anyone out there who can

1. Acknowledge that there is a possibility that happiness and peace can be achieved
2. Feel even just a tiny glimmer of desire to try to achieve it

I want to help.  I'm going to make an offer.  I have spent months reading and working and trying to understand.  I'm still learning and appreciate the people who are helping me.  But in my process I've accumulated a library of blog posts, quotes, videos, articles etc to help me. 

**My offer is this, if you are willing to read/watch/listen to what I send you every day for one month, and respond by sharing your thougths (via email), I will send you empowering messages daily for 30 days. 

I'm not on step 12 yet, but I feel like this is my way I can share the things I've learned that I use to avoid despair.

At a meeting once, referring to Step 1 that says "I am powerless over the addiction of my loved one" a woman said,


My email is hisstrugglemystruggle (at) gmail (dot) com. If you just need a loving and empathetic support person, reach out. 


  1. Oh I love your offer! I'm doing well and am not in the boat you are targeting but I think you are awesome for working a 30 in 30 (of sorts) with people. Bravo!

    I also think it's amazing that the Lord made room for disbelievers. He knew that we would sometimes hit such a low that we just no longer believe. Therefore he gave us the "Experiment".. "Experiment upon my words..." "Help though mine unbelief"... we don't have to believe it will happen at first. We just have to follow the experiment... the belief follows that.

    God is so good!


  2. Woman, you have no idea how much love & respect I have for you. And it just keeps growing. You truly are becoming such a dear friend. I will be e-mailing you in just a few minutes so I can hear more of your great thoughts !!