19 October 2012

Breakthrough post-breakdown


Pete left town for a couple days this week.  We were at an impasse.  We weren't speaking about anything above and beyond chirping smoke detectors and schedules.  While he was gone I don't think we spoke at all.

It was a painful few days for me.  One night I found myself melting into a puddle of despair and tears on the living room floor.  I needed to have a good cry. 

Eventually (with the help of fantastic friends), I came to terms with the fact that it was okay for me to have boundaries and to detach, no matter what Pete said to me or how he responded.  I was prepared to have this thing go unresolved, to disagree indefinitely.  In my mind that meant more detaching, more protecting, more distance. 

Before Pete left town he had another relapse.  A day of discouragement and apathy.  But his binge left him feeling sick, and humble and he took his time alone for a chance to get right with God.  And me. When he returned we sat on the couch and he talked.  He apologized.  He was vulnerable.  He articulated thoughts that gave me understanding, but he also validated me.  It wasn't manipulative, it wasn't coercive.  It was as if I could see his soul. 

I feel so blessed that things took this turn.  I know that it doesn't always work that way.  Sometimes when we turn our will over to the Lord, things unfold just the way we hoped they would.  But sometimes they don't.  Sometimes the Lord has a different plan. 

Regardless, I know that this whole addiction bit is like an onion, peeling away layer after complicated layer.  I'm grateful that Pete is peeling away with me for now.  Because man it reeks and stings. 


  1. Oh, YAY. It is wonderful to see what miracles happen with two people whose hearts are good. God can and does work with willing hearts.

    Blessings to you both.

  2. Glad you were able to have some break through communication. My prayers are with you Jane and I hope for more healing to come.

    I just threw out 2 rotten onions tonight...they'd been slowly stinking up the house. When I read your thought on peeling layers of onion back I imagined those onions like addiction. Addiction really does stink like onions and it lingers.

  3. Jane, you have many remarkable insights. I'm learning a ton from your blog that I am using for motivation in my recovery. May God bless you and Pete!