18 January 2012


A new world has unfolded to me in the last six months since I turned to the internet for support.  Addiction, and perhaps especially pornography addiction is so awkward to discuss, there is so much shame and fear associated with it.  There is also much that is misunderstood, or just not understood.  I look forward to meeting the women and men I've encountered along my journey, if not in this life in the next.  They have helped me tremendously. 

I want to help too.  I really do.  An opportunity has presented itself and I'm anxious to be involved.  Jessica Mockett is a film-maker who did research on the subject of pornography addiction/sexual addiction and felt compelled to produce a film that addresses the following:

Shamed, a documentary feature, will look at how to remove the debilitating personal and group shame that exists around pornography and sexuality in conservative Christian communities. Those of us who would preach a balanced life of fidelity and healthy sexual relations are being drowned out by the pervasive messaging of an over-sexualized world. Our best protection is open, honest, healthy communication on pornography and sexual addiction, empowering the people we love to "SPEAK, LISTEN, and HEAL."

Shamed Teaser - V2 from Girl with a Curl on Vimeo.

Although I've learned a lot, there are things that I wish I had understood before.  Knowledge truly is power and if there is greater knowledge on this subject I have no doubt it will help those who encounter this addiction to cope.  I am 100% in favor of being a voice of "fidelity and healthy sexual relations" in our "over-sexualized world."

I'm so grateful for the people behind this, who have the courage to come forward and share.  I don't personally have the courage to put my face on camera and share the turmoil my husband and I endure.  But I will put my money where my mouth should be and support the cause.

I know that for some, when there is no money there is no money.  But if you are financially able I am asking you to go to this site and contribute.  Unfortunately movies don't make themselves, and although knowledge is free providing access to it is not.  I think this group with this film can reach a large audience and have a lasting influence.

Kickstarter is a fundraising avenue, but it is all or nothing.   The initial goal for production is $40,000, and if the goal is not reached the project does not go forward.  You can pledge your money now, and when the goal is reached your card will be charged.  You will not have to pay if the project does not go forward. 

For others who have blogs, please help us spread the word.  Email me and I will connect you with the team putting this all together.  hisstrugglemystruggle@gmail.com

You can read much more about the movie here as well.


  1. As someone who's ex-husband was addicted to pornography (which led to us getting divorced), I have to disagree with you when you say that "Our best protection is open, honest, healthy communication on pornography…" as I believe our best protection is the emerging science connected to the idea that pornography is damaging both to the individual, their partner and even to society as a whole. This is the past that anti-cigarette advocates took back in the 1950s and 1960s and look where it brought their cause to today.

  2. I guess I didn't do a good job of showing that those words are not mine, they come from the "Shamed" website. But I do agree with them or I wouldn't have posted them here. I am very grateful for emerging science but I can confidently say that open, honest and healthy communication has been imperative to the healing of my relationship with my addict. I suppose we all find protection in different ways. I'm sorry for the pain pornography has caused you, and I hope that we can all come together to find solutions.

  3. I think "open, honest, healthy communication on pornography" includes talking about the emerging science around pornography as an addiction. I don't think those two things are mutually exclusive. I think open communication includes educating people about the emerging science. It's all one and the same. At least that's how I view it.

    I'm glad you posted this. I'm going to post about it as well. I'd be interested to see exactly what is conveyed through this project, since we've all spent a lot of time on the pendulum of wanting to talk about this with everyone and wanting to stay quiet out of respect to our husbands.

  4. I entirely agree with the comments about emerging science—both in terms of how it is a defense and that the findings need to be talked about more. The days of saying ‘we don’t know that pornography has harmful side effects’ are gone, simply because we have a couple of decades of scientific research that shows it does.

    The focus of our film—-the need for open, honest, communication—-was actually prompted by recent research. Zitzman and Butler’s 2005 study (among others) published in Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, focused on what made for effective treatment of pornography addiction and found that the most prominent theme among couples in therapy was “restoration of trust (consisting of honest and open communication)”. One of the characteristics of shame is that it promotes silence and reclusiveness rather than open communication and help seeking. It’s certainly not the only element of the issue that needs attention, but it is the one we’re focusing on.

    We do intend to present scientific evidence in the film and have already approached several experts on addiction/counseling /pornography effects to appear on camera.