11 January 2012

Embrace It

I've met some remarkable people in this other world of mine.  I guess I use the term "met" loosely as I haven't actually met most of them in person.  But through Mac I came across the Blog About Love where Mara and Danny share their experiences. Danny wrote a post a few weeks ago that spoke to me.  I emailed him my gratitude for his words and explained a little bit about my situation.  He responded with even more helpful insights.  He said to me:

"And remember that you have a better opportunity to learn about God's kind of love now than probably any other time in your life.  Embrace that, and embrace what it is that He WILL teach you if you let him."

I've been thinking about it since he wrote it, but on Sunday it hit me.  I felt the spirit whisper to me "What are you waiting for?"  I have been given some wonderful spiritual impressions and then just left them by the wayside.  I have not turned my broken heart over to the Lord.  All at once I fell to my knees and told my Heavenly Father that I'm ready now to be healed, to learn and to change.  

The next day, Monday, was one of my hardest days yet.  I called and made an appointment with a counselor for the first time.  I wept as I did so.  It was the moment where I intellectually acknowledged that I am emotionally broken.  I have been hurt and I don't have the skills to heal on my own.  There has been damage that is causing me to have unhealthy feelings and I need my Savior and experts on earth to help me.


  1. YES! And hopefully you and this counselor will connect and you will be able to get the proper support,you need! If for any reason you don't feel a connection with the particular counselor, please don't be afraid to try another one... and another if needs be. This is about YOU and YOUR healing now... I'm so proud of you!

    This is yet another step to healing.... I know it's hard.... I was humiliated too! BUT if you're anything like me, you'll look forward to that weekly appointment (or whatever it may be) as if it's the greatest thing ever! Maurice saved me... seriously.

    Thinking of you! XOXOXO

  2. This just warmed my heart. "that I'm ready now to be healed, to learn and to change" Sometimes I feel like I'm at that point, but other times I'm not so sure. I'm glad you're going to meet with a counselor. In fact, I'm a bit jealous. I'd love to meet with one, but the idea scares me (and, as you know, we don't have the money right now). Let us know how it goes!

  3. im there. i want to turn it over, i want Him to take this burden for me! but, as strange it it may seem, i dont know how!?? i know all the gospel asnwers of prayer, faith, repentance, etc...but how does one emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and literally turn over a burden to Christ, the only one that can truly heal!? im probably "looking beyond the mark" here and making it harder than it is, but i just haven't figured it out! i am in love with your simple, honest, heartfelt blog about being married to a pornography addict. like so many women, i never thought it would happen to me. im tired of the incomplete trust, im tired of the intimacy problems, im tired of feeling "sick" half of my existence out of fear he's doing it again. worse yet, im at the point of asking, "how many times is enough"? i know we are supposed to turn the other cheek, 70 x 7, right? but isn't the sinner supposed to abandon sin...forever!? addiction is not an excuse to continue on in sin. i know i sound bitter and harsh, but that is truly where i am at, yet again. i've been in this cycle for 10 years! im so ready to have it lifted from me, but just don't know how to give it to Him? thank you, and to all you others who post about similar things....thank you for your honesty and realness!

  4. Thank you so much for this blog. I am a year into dealing with my husband's major relapse. I am so grateful to find a place to 'talk' with someone who understands. It is so difficult to come to grips with my husband's addiction and the impact it has on our relationship.