25 January 2012

the Therapist

I never thought I'd ever need a therapist.  I don't even like the name "therapist."  I prefer counselor.  But that's all semantics.

I was more nervous for my appointment than I was for my first group meeting.  But it went well.  She didn't knock my socks off with clarity about my psyche- but she helped me.

She helped me to sort out some issues that I conveniently blamed on my husband's addiction, that in fact are very common in marriages without addiction.  I felt both relief and disappointment.  I felt relieved that I was not alone with my baggage, but disappointed that I lost my cop-out.  So much for thinking things would get better if only HE would get better. 

What I appreciated most, and what I would say to anyone who is considering seeing a counselor, is that she gave me practical tools.  She gave me suggestions, even specific behaviors.  That is what I've been looking for.  General truths and principles of intimacy and relationships are helpful.  But I've been desperate for someone to help me know what to DO.  Counselors are great for this.  And if the tools she suggests don't work? She reassured me that we could try something different next go around. 

She also had skills that allowed her to ask questions that caused me to think.  As I said before- I didn't come away with clarity. But I did come away with some new ideas to ponder.  If this were a critique of counseling I would definitely say YES.


1 comment:

  1. I've been divorced from my porn-addicted ex for a little over a year now and I'm beginning to see some long-term effects his addiction had on me. For one thing, I always put 100% of the blame on him whereas I realize now that I should have seen years ago that he had an addictive personality... and done something about it earlier. For another thing, since my divorce I've been experiencing depression which I just assumed was normal for new divorcees but I am so far past that now that the only other logical explanation is that I've never really come to terms with my ex's addiction. Perhaps it's time I see a counselor.