14 April 2012

Perspective

At times in our lives we have the spiritual capacity to focus on the programs of the church and the details of the gospel.  I'm referring to things like magnifying our calling, attending the temple, doing our visiting teaching.  These things are important to our salvation, of course, and I'm not suggesting we stop doing them.  When we do these things we are blessed, and blessings from God are invaluable in coping with our challenges.


Being in this circumstance is wonderful, it is a blessing in and of itself.  This way of living isn't spiritually exhausting (unless perhaps you are the bishop) and we are left with some energy and efforts, that unfortunately we often devote to concern for the salvation of those around us.  I lived the majority of my life this way, and I foolishly spent my "spiritual resources" as it were, on judging and worrying about the way other people were clearly falling short in these areas.  I was self-righteous and constantly concerned with how to make others better. 

THEN-

Then something happens and our world as we know it vaporizes around us. All of our spiritual strength goes to focusing on the essentials of the gospel.  We are so depleted of "spritual resources" that it is all we can do to have meaningful prayer with our Father in heaven, try to understand the atonement, and develop a relationship with Jesus Christ. 

It is in these moments that we really appreciate the gospel for what it really is.  We are too consumed with grasping for so much as a seed of faith, that things that we used to be so concerned with fall by the wayside.  Is my invitation to the relief society activity cute enough? What did I wear to church last Sunday?  Can you believe the remark Sister Jones made in Sunday School?  I'm so glad my children never behave that way during Sacrament meeting! Oh my goodness is she really bearing her testimony AGAIN? It's really too bad other people aren't making it a priority to be at the ward activities. 

During some of my darkest days, and at times more recently, I find myself sitting in church trying to hold back tears, appreciating any kind gestures, and occasionally trying to make a kind gesture myself.  I am thirsty for the promptings and the peace of the spirit and when I feel them my heart sings.  I go to church because I'm desperate to feel close to my Heavenly Father and not because it is the hub of my social life.  I am so focused on resisting the urge to stand in relief society and shout "I'm hurting! Someone love me!"  that I am hardly aware of what anyone else is wearing or saying. 

What seemed so important before, now seems so trivial.  And the people I need to forgive now aren't the ones who previously seemed inadequate, but the ones who naively seem totally adequate. 

I'm always looking for the silver lining to this grisly problem, and I'm so grateful for an opportunity to see the gospel for what it really is, and to try to extend some leniency toward the people who are doing their best to sprititually survive as well as the people who have been blessed to avoid such devastating trials and therefore lack the empathy and forgivenss that comes with such trials.

6 comments:

  1. The last few months I don't think there has been a Sunday with out BIG crocodile tears staining my cheeks. (there is a 80 year old woman in RS that sits by me almost every week with her arm around my shoulder, she has no idea what I am going through. She just Loves me and want's to give comfort.) I think it is very smart to look for see your own growth in the gospel, We also need to remember that everyone is learning and gaining testimony of principles of the gospel at different speeds,and at different times in our life's. And the programs of the church help you learn and grow. Practice the principle to gain testimony kind of thing. But I think when you start seeing the big picture and that a relationship with Christ is center of everything else. You become better at the Programs of the church, For instance you are probably a Better visiting teacher now than you were before the challenges in your life. Because it is about truly caring for your Sisters. Or going to the temple means so much more than when you were just going because it was what you did. Sounds like you are doing good keep it up you are inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hadn't even thought of that- but I think you make an excellent point. Everything is different when you remember that the Savior is the center of it all, and once you've had the "opportunity" to internalize your relationship with him, you can better serve him.

      Delete
  2. It's probably a good thing I have a calling outside of Relief Society, because I'd probably be in tears every Sunday if I were in there, too. I feel like I'm more sensitive to the Spirit now. Although I don't like going through this, I really do appreciate the closeness to the Spirit that I have developed.

    GreenOlives--I just want to hug that 80-year-old woman. She sounds absolutely wonderful. I think sometimes we forget that people have gone through this all before us (trials are trials, even if they are a different kind). She may not know exactly what you're going through, but it sounds like she recognizes the pain. I appreciate that our trials help us be more sensitive to others who are also feeling pain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And bless her heart for her unconditional love, I don't know about you but the old me (maybe even the present me) would be DYING to know what was going on. She is so mature and wise.

      Delete
  3. Your spirit is such an example. I know it's so cliche but don't we learn and grown so much from these trials? that's not too comforting but really im shocked at how much i have grown. Life is hard. Too bad it wasn't meant to be breezy, eh? As insane as my life currently is, i wouldn't trade it. And the Atonement. its such a complex part of our relationship with Christ yet maybe it's really simple and we just complicate it. I don't know. I feel like such an infant when it comes to all things spiritual.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ps. i just want to say that im so thankful you don't have that word recognition thingy that makes me type something to prove i'm not a spamming robot! That is my biggest peeve! :)

    ReplyDelete