|Oh my gosh I'm DYING for these.|
Pete is calling my diet an "empathy diet", to help me see how hard it can be to give something up. I hesitate to draw further analogies here, because
1. I don't mean to imply that giving up sugar can be considered the same difficulty as giving up a chemical or psychological addiction. (Although I definitely think there are psychologic and physical components to this...)
and 2. I would argue that the stakes are much higher when dealing with a pornography or drug addiction. We're talking destroyed relationships, eternal consequences, even death.
Having said all that, this sugar bit is giving me some insight. I'm identifying all sorts of addict behaviors in myself.
~ The cravings are CRAZY. I had no idea.
~ I have become irritable and grumpy when I think about what I can't eat.
~ I think about what I can't eat, constantly. I am really quite surprised about this one. Starting after lunch, when I would usually indulge in a chocolate treat of some kind, my thoughts are over-taken by desire, then anger over my desire, then guilt over my anger, then frustration at all of the above.
~ I fantasize about what I will eat as soon as my 30 days are up. I salivate over the treats my kids are eating.
~ I mistreat the people around me,(the ones I love most), because I am so annoyed with myself for the way giving up this silly little habit is effecting me.
Then of course I have my good moments, where my resolve is strong, I feel good about myself for having the self-discipline to do it at all. I hope the parallels are obvious.
But I'm also seeing an important distinction. It's not just that I want to reluctantly give up sugar. I don't want to give it up only to be perpetually disappointed in doing so. I don't want to woefully dismiss it, sad to see it go. I want to find a meaningful [dietary] existence without sugar. Not just biding time, but peacefully living without it. ENJOYING life without it.
That's how I feel about Pete. I don't want him to give this up reluctantly. I don't want him to feel his life is lacking without it, to look back longingly at his indulgence. I want him to find a meaningful [sexual] existence without porn. ENJOYING life without it. I know HE knows that such a life is possible. But something is still just not clicking.