The woman who I shared my 4th step inventory with is the facilitator in the 12-step meeting I attend. She was one of the first women I met when I started attending group meetings. I ought to be careful what I share about her, but she is experienced and loving, and I spent the most vulnerable few hours of my life opening my soul to her.
It is inevitable that the people we love and admire most will let us down at some point. Our family members who love us most can often hurt us the deepest. This is a great disapointment to my sensitive heart, and when I place someone on a pedastal, it can be heartbreaking to see that pedastal come crashing down as their own character weaknesses are exposed. No one is perfect, and yet I find it a rude awakening when I've been blessed for so long to see only the good in someone.
Last night in our "meeting after the meeting" I expressed an opinion. It was about sex. All eyes were on me. But no sooner had I finished my sentence than my bold and vocal facilitator squashed it. She was standing and all eyes snapped to her visage as she waxed eloquent refuting my experessed opinion with (what felt to me) both mockery and reason.
I felt ashamed. I felt like a crushed bug. All eyes were back on me and I searched each pair for some sign of validation or support.
It must be said that on my way home this dear woman called and offered a sincere and humble apology for the way she had treated me. But the damage was done. And soon enough I will forgive, but in the meantime I'm bitterly disappointed.
I told this story to Pete, and lamented the way this woman had changed in my eyes. He said to me
"Eventually we see that everyone is human, with faults and frailties. I don't think we can really know anyone until we see that."
I guess the trick is finding a way to let those faults and frailties fill me with more love, rather than less. I've been reading in the Book of Mormon, about Moroni and Pahoran. Moroni, the equivalent of an army general was out fighting a war and wondering why Pahoran, the equivalent of a president or king wasn't sending any aid or assistance. Moroni, who the Book of Mormon regales with praise, writes a scathing letter to Pahoran.
How painful it must have been for Pahoran to get that letter. Moroni was his friend, and he wrote words like "condemnation", "slothfulness", and "negligence." And how does Pahoran respond? Just like I did, says the girl who drove home in a fury and refused to even listen to the voicemail apology until the next morning.
Or not. Rather Pahoran said:
"And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart." Then he proceeded to give a very reasonable explanation for the alleged crimes Moroni had laid against him.
I know my facilitator friend is so much more than she was in that moment. I know Pete is so much more than his addiction. I know that I am so much more than the insecure and self-pitying person who can't tolerate being disagreed with.
So even if I put people on a pedastal that eventually comes crashing down, it doesn't have to be the end of my relationship with them, better yet it can be the beginning of a REAL relationship, with a REAL and imperfect person.
I love that last paragraph in particular. There is power in REAL relationships, which I think is only possible through the Atonement. To let Christ absorb the messiness of mortal relationships helps make it possible to accept the mess, I think.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love how the recovery process invites us to be REAL with God and with ourselves, first and foremost. To me, it's like the pattern in Enos's experience: Once he was able to see that God loved him in spite of his weakness, he was able to extend that love to others, even his enemies.
You always have such thought provoking posts. I love what Pete said and the last paragraph that goes along with it. It makes me think a lot about what someone wrote in the forum once about how this whole experience helped them "grow up" in a way. I find that my outlook/expectations about life and others and even myself used to be a certain way, but it is starting to change - in a more REALISTIC way I think. And I'm sure it will continue to change as I continue to grow up and go through more experiences. Anyway, thanks for sharing...again! :)
ReplyDeleteI am like you...can't stand it when someone disagrees with me. My mother-in-law did something like that to me last week and I shut down inside. Felt belittled! I have since let go of the offense, but it's so hard in the moment. I hope I can get to a place someday where I don't let other people's opinions, make me feel small and unimportant. This is something I want to talk with my therapist about and work through.
ReplyDeleteI love when I read posts like this I am reminded of things I need to work on. Thanks for the your thoughts:)
its heart breaking how a relationship of 5 years would have all come to nothing if not for a help from a real and great Spell caster Dr Akwuke:this is my story:my name is Natanie ,28years. from Canada .i had this guy i loved with all of my life and i mean all of my life!he was my every breath,life held no meaning without him.some few days to my birthday he came to my place and told me he would not be around for my birthday cause he had some very important business deals to complete,i accepted and did not complain cos of the love i had for him i could take anything.so on this faithful day i left for his apartment cos i was bored at home and not forgetting to mention,"i had his keys" on getting there i felt something strange in me so i decided to go to the bedroom straight instead of the living room,on getting there,behold!the sight of my life.there he was sexing the life of a girl younger than my age,i felt so betrayed and life held no meaning for me any longer.to cut the story short he broke up with me and ever since i have been begging him several times but he refused,am so confused.not until a friend of mine jessica Scott told me about this Great spell caster who help her bring her Boyfriend that break up with her for over 8 years and i contact him as fast as possible for behold my Man came back to me with love and caring and right now we are happily married. i m so happy and i Promise God that i must tell the hole world about this man called Dr Akwuke how he help me and if you are in any problems related to mine or some different problems for i tell you this day that this man Dr Akwuke will help you okay.contact him via email:Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteMy name is Mrs. favour jeffry,From USA ,and I’m happily married with a lovely husband and three children.I had a very big problem with my husband few months ago,to the extent that he even packed his things away from our house. He left I and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him back.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can handle my situations and problem,that he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, Pls every one i would like you all to contact him with his email address,which is as follows.”drsmartspellhome@gmail.com". I never believed in spell casting,but My friend convinced me and i had no choice than to follow my friend advice,because i never dreamed of loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband back a day after. I didn't believed Him, until when i got home,the next day,my husband called me to inform me that he is coming back home…..So Amazing!! That’s how i got my back through spell casting and our relationship was stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to the people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by Dr. smart. So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same E-mail address,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or and problem at all, pls Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him via email (drsmartspellhome@gmail.com ) all you can call him +2348104933655.
ReplyDeleteHi every one reading this testimony, i want to say a Big thanks of appreciation to Dr Zack Balo of wiseindividualspell@gmail.com whose phone number is +2348078927387 for the love binding spell he did for me that brought my ex boyfriend back to me after 3 days. i want to say Dr Zack Balo is the best solution that can help you bring your lover back to you once you contact him to help you my ex broke up with me over 4months we lost contact to each other i tried everything to make him come back to me but he always say we are done that his love for me has become weak and that there is no space left in his heart for us to be together again, this leads me to look for help on how i could made him come back to me then i came across Dr Zack Balo online on the internet how he has reunite broken relationship with 3 days so i decided to contact him to help me and to make my ex come back to me, that was how i gave him a try and after he cast the spell he told me he has cast the spell that my lover will come back to me within 3 days, this was how my ex boyfriend really came back to me within 3 days just as Dr Zack Balo told me because of this i decide to show how really really thankful i am to him.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend and I broke up in MAY after I found him scoping out women on various dating sites and finding out that he had actually picked up a woman in a bar while I was at my family’s Xmas party. We had a closure talk in JUNE and we were talking about remaining friends. In march we went out one more time when he took me to lunch for many birthday. He told me how beautiful I was and hugged and kissed me. It was like old times. A few days later we had a huge blowout fight. And he told me never to contact him again and that he hates me. Completely devastating. I haven’t called or anything since then…well one email last month with no response. I miss him like crazy and wonder how he is. I deleted him from Facebook right after we broke up and deleted all but one mutual friend . I want to talk to him but I don’t think he will ever want to. I tried dating someone else very briefly and i just couldn’t do it. I miss my ex more than i’ve ever missed any ex. I’ve tried so hard to move on and I’m just as heart broken as I was day one. 3 months seems too long to still be devastated. one day i came across Dr Kate love spell on internet on how he rebuild relationship and make it grow forever so i contacted her for help and explain all my problems to her, she guarantee me that after the spell in he next 24 hours me love will come back asking for my forgiveness that he still love and cherish me, after the spell, the next morning i was so so surprise that my jeff call me on phone asking me to forgive him, thank you once again Dr Kate he just came back thank you thank. reach her email she is a woman that fell others pain (katelovespell@hotmail.com)
ReplyDeleteAfter 8 years relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls friends several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But after l contacted Dr.dele of spell cast temple he cast a love spell and after a day, my boyfriend started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr. dele of delespellhome@yahoo.com helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before
ReplyDeleteWith so much in my heart i am here to express myself on how Dr.dele saved my marriage from breaking up. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband was seeking for a divorce. So i have no option than to go to the internet to seek for solution to my problem it was there i came across Dr.dele details and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring there relationship. I contact Dr.dele and in less than 48 hours my husband cancelled the divorce papers. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr.dele for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr.dele contact information are via email on Delespellhome@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteHello everyone in this forum, My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted A spell caster called Dr Laco I explained all my problem to him . In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr laco i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again. you may contact him via (lacopowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com).incase you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is (lacopowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com)
ReplyDeleteBe careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back,any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignore.because most of them are scam i mean real scam which i was a victim and i got ripped of thousands of dollars because i was so anxious to get my wife back after she left me for over 2 years with my 7 years old son jerry,i have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which i did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until i saw a post about mama Anita spell and i decided to gave her my last trail.she ask me four things my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and $180 and said my ex will come back in 24hours, i have paid over $3000 on spell casting and courier and nothing have work for me after 3 days i was thinking about how much i have lost so far so i said let me give her a try so i called her again and send my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and the $180 because i swear it was my last try so i was waiting as she told me to wait till next day and i could not sleep that night because i really love my wife and want her back at 9pm that day i saw my wife on line on face book and she said hi at first i was shock because she never talk with me for the past a year and 9 month now i did not reply again she said are you there? i quickly reply yes and she said can we see tomorrow i said yes and she went off-line i was confused i try to chat her again but she was no more on line i could not sleep that night as i was wondering what she is going to say, by 7.am the next morning she gave me a miss call i decided not to call back as i was still on shock again she call and i pick she said can we see after work today i said yes so she end the call immediately i got off work she call me and we meet and now we are back again i call mama anita the next day thanking her for what she has done in fact i still call her and thank her as my life was not complete without my wife please be careful here i have been scam thousands of dollars if you want a true love spell then contact mama Anita (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)
ReplyDeleteI am Tanya and i will would love to use this medium to thank and to let the world know there solution home in tense of relationship problems. At first when i read some comment about Dr.Ekpiku on the internet i never believed that this was real but at the same time i decided to give him a trial. I must say that i was surprise that through the help of Dr.Ekpiku that my lover came back to me begging me to accept him back. With this i was convenience that Dr.Ekpiku powers are genie and helpful to humanity. That is the more reason i am going to drop Dr.Ekpiku contact information which are Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com Once again i am very much grateful to Dr.Ekpiku.
ReplyDeleteI would like to share my solved issue here my husband applied for the divorce and than one of my friend Sashay who knows Dr Lawrence from long time, gives me his number, Lawrence told me that my husband is under some lady black magic control i did not expected that but than i paid 500 Dollars as because she told me she need to buy saffron for purest magic and than after 3 days my husband refuse to get divorce i am so thankful to Dr Lawrence he helped me at the time i needed help thanks to Dr Lawrence too. My husband and my relation is now totally fine. Drlawrencespelltemple@gmail.com whatapps +1) 914 208 8349
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