28 January 2013

Imperfect People Who Love Me

British Throne

The woman who I shared my 4th step inventory with is the facilitator in the 12-step meeting I attend.  She was one of the first women I met when I started attending group meetings.  I ought to be careful what I share about her, but she is experienced and loving, and I spent the most vulnerable few hours of my life opening my soul to her. 

It is inevitable that the people we love and admire most will let us down at some point.  Our family members who love us most can often hurt us the deepest.  This is a great disapointment to my sensitive heart, and when I place someone on a pedastal, it can be heartbreaking to see that pedastal come crashing down as their own character weaknesses are exposed.   No one is perfect, and yet I find it a rude awakening when I've been blessed for so long to see only the good in someone. 

Last night in our "meeting after the meeting" I expressed an opinion.  It was about sex.  All eyes were on me.  But no sooner had I finished my sentence than my bold and vocal facilitator squashed it.  She was standing and all eyes snapped to her visage as she waxed eloquent refuting my experessed opinion with (what felt to me) both mockery and reason. 

I felt ashamed.  I felt like a crushed bug.  All eyes were back on me and I searched each pair for some sign of validation or support. 

It must be said that on my way home this dear woman called and offered a sincere and humble apology for the way she had treated me.  But the damage was done.  And soon enough I will forgive, but in the meantime I'm bitterly disappointed.

I told this story to Pete, and lamented the way this woman had changed in my eyes.  He said to me

"Eventually we see that everyone is human, with faults and frailties.  I don't think we can really know anyone until we see that."

I guess the trick is finding a way to let those faults and frailties fill me with more love, rather than less.  I've been reading in the Book of Mormon, about Moroni and Pahoran.  Moroni, the equivalent of an army general was out fighting a war and wondering why Pahoran, the equivalent of a president or king wasn't sending any aid or assistance.  Moroni, who the Book of Mormon regales with praise, writes a scathing letter to Pahoran. 

How painful it must have been for Pahoran to get that letter.  Moroni was his friend, and he wrote words like "condemnation", "slothfulness", and "negligence." And how does Pahoran respond?  Just like I did, says the girl who drove home in a fury and refused to even listen to the voicemail apology until the next morning. 

Or not.  Rather Pahoran said:

"And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart."  Then he proceeded to give a very reasonable explanation for the alleged crimes Moroni had laid against him.

I know my facilitator friend is so much more than she was in that moment.  I know Pete is so much more than his addiction.  I know that I am so much more than the insecure and self-pitying person who can't tolerate being disagreed with. 

So even if I put people on a pedastal that eventually comes crashing down, it doesn't have to be the end of my relationship with them, better yet it can be the beginning of a REAL relationship, with a REAL and imperfect person. 

13 comments:

  1. I love that last paragraph in particular. There is power in REAL relationships, which I think is only possible through the Atonement. To let Christ absorb the messiness of mortal relationships helps make it possible to accept the mess, I think.

    And I love how the recovery process invites us to be REAL with God and with ourselves, first and foremost. To me, it's like the pattern in Enos's experience: Once he was able to see that God loved him in spite of his weakness, he was able to extend that love to others, even his enemies.

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  2. You always have such thought provoking posts. I love what Pete said and the last paragraph that goes along with it. It makes me think a lot about what someone wrote in the forum once about how this whole experience helped them "grow up" in a way. I find that my outlook/expectations about life and others and even myself used to be a certain way, but it is starting to change - in a more REALISTIC way I think. And I'm sure it will continue to change as I continue to grow up and go through more experiences. Anyway, thanks for sharing...again! :)

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  3. I am like you...can't stand it when someone disagrees with me. My mother-in-law did something like that to me last week and I shut down inside. Felt belittled! I have since let go of the offense, but it's so hard in the moment. I hope I can get to a place someday where I don't let other people's opinions, make me feel small and unimportant. This is something I want to talk with my therapist about and work through.

    I love when I read posts like this I am reminded of things I need to work on. Thanks for the your thoughts:)

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  4. This is awesome. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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  7. Hi every one reading this testimony, i want to say a Big thanks of appreciation to Dr Zack Balo of wiseindividualspell@gmail.com whose phone number is +2348078927387 for the love binding spell he did for me that brought my ex boyfriend back to me after 3 days. i want to say Dr Zack Balo is the best solution that can help you bring your lover back to you once you contact him to help you my ex broke up with me over 4months we lost contact to each other i tried everything to make him come back to me but he always say we are done that his love for me has become weak and that there is no space left in his heart for us to be together again, this leads me to look for help on how i could made him come back to me then i came across Dr Zack Balo online on the internet how he has reunite broken relationship with 3 days so i decided to contact him to help me and to make my ex come back to me, that was how i gave him a try and after he cast the spell he told me he has cast the spell that my lover will come back to me within 3 days, this was how my ex boyfriend really came back to me within 3 days just as Dr Zack Balo told me because of this i decide to show how really really thankful i am to him.

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  8. My boyfriend and I broke up in MAY after I found him scoping out women on various dating sites and finding out that he had actually picked up a woman in a bar while I was at my family’s Xmas party. We had a closure talk in JUNE and we were talking about remaining friends. In march we went out one more time when he took me to lunch for many birthday. He told me how beautiful I was and hugged and kissed me. It was like old times. A few days later we had a huge blowout fight. And he told me never to contact him again and that he hates me. Completely devastating. I haven’t called or anything since then…well one email last month with no response. I miss him like crazy and wonder how he is. I deleted him from Facebook right after we broke up and deleted all but one mutual friend . I want to talk to him but I don’t think he will ever want to. I tried dating someone else very briefly and i just couldn’t do it. I miss my ex more than i’ve ever missed any ex. I’ve tried so hard to move on and I’m just as heart broken as I was day one. 3 months seems too long to still be devastated. one day i came across Dr Kate love spell on internet on how he rebuild relationship and make it grow forever so i contacted her for help and explain all my problems to her, she guarantee me that after the spell in he next 24 hours me love will come back asking for my forgiveness that he still love and cherish me, after the spell, the next morning i was so so surprise that my jeff call me on phone asking me to forgive him, thank you once again Dr Kate he just came back thank you thank. reach her email she is a woman that fell others pain (katelovespell@hotmail.com)

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  9. After 8 years relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls friends several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But after l contacted Dr.dele of spell cast temple he cast a love spell and after a day, my boyfriend started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr. dele of delespellhome@yahoo.com helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before

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  13. I am Tanya and i will would love to use this medium to thank and to let the world know there solution home in tense of relationship problems. At first when i read some comment about Dr.Ekpiku on the internet i never believed that this was real but at the same time i decided to give him a trial. I must say that i was surprise that through the help of Dr.Ekpiku that my lover came back to me begging me to accept him back. With this i was convenience that Dr.Ekpiku powers are genie and helpful to humanity. That is the more reason i am going to drop Dr.Ekpiku contact information which are Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com Once again i am very much grateful to Dr.Ekpiku.

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