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I am the queen of disclaimers. I use them all the time to quantify things, to put a lid on something, to excuse myself. Aren't we always putting a caveat on our good news?
"Things are going well. I'm sure tomorrow will be back to hell. But today I'm doing better."
Well I want to write something without any qualifiers. Hopefully you know I live in reality too. But for now I'm going to relish this.
I'm doing well. I am feeling genuine, deep, happiness. I am reconnecting with my husband. I am feeling gratitude for his changes. I am noticing things about him that are appealing, and even safe. I am hopeful. I am experimenting with vulnerability. I am opening doors to my heart. I am sharing feelings. I am swallowing my pride. I am forgiving. I am loving. I am being affectionate. I am hugging and holding. I am feeling really good.
One of the things that Pete has really resented was a fear that I no longer admired him. It was a little egotistical, but genuine too. He knew in the past I admired him, he is so hurt when he thinks I no longer do.
But now, I have moments where I see admirable things in him.
Something is coming alive again in our relationship.
It feels really good.
Aw, this makes me happy. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteoh YAY! YAY! YAY!
ReplyDeleteYAY! I remember you telling me at Camp Scabs to just enjoy the good times. I'm glad things are going well!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. I am so happy for you and so happy that you are simply sitting right where you are at with no disclaimers and no guilt or shame. You deserve all the happiness in the world. And, because you shared this, I feel very hopeful.. so thanks!
ReplyDeletethis makes me happy. Its good to relish the good times... just totally roll around in it .. ya feel me haha.
ReplyDelete