I am the queen of disclaimers. I use them all the time to quantify things, to put a lid on something, to excuse myself. Aren't we always putting a caveat on our good news?
"Things are going well. I'm sure tomorrow will be back to hell. But today I'm doing better."
Well I want to write something without any qualifiers. Hopefully you know I live in reality too. But for now I'm going to relish this.
I'm doing well. I am feeling genuine, deep, happiness. I am reconnecting with my husband. I am feeling gratitude for his changes. I am noticing things about him that are appealing, and even safe. I am hopeful. I am experimenting with vulnerability. I am opening doors to my heart. I am sharing feelings. I am swallowing my pride. I am forgiving. I am loving. I am being affectionate. I am hugging and holding. I am feeling really good.
One of the things that Pete has really resented was a fear that I no longer admired him. It was a little egotistical, but genuine too. He knew in the past I admired him, he is so hurt when he thinks I no longer do.
But now, I have moments where I see admirable things in him.
Something is coming alive again in our relationship.
It feels really good.