Apparently Hawaii went worse than I thought it did... Pete unloaded a wheelbarrow full of crappy confessions on me last night. You can read the juicy details on his blog.
I don't feel much like writing about it. But it's been awhile since I've posted a song so here is my current self-pity tune.
I physically ache right now.
ReplyDeleteI hate that I know how you feel. I hate that I've felt it, hate that you're feeling it... just hate the whole thing.
I'm sorry.
Thanks Alicia. I know you know. I hate that you know and that I know. It's a brutal knowledge. Love you.
Deleteoh dear. his post sent me into trigger central and i was about to have an anxiety attack myself.
ReplyDeletedear jane, im so sorry. so so sorry.
i hurt with you.
and it makes me sad and sick.
and it makes me think about my own situation a lot.
im right with you with frequent slips. i ask myself every hard day, can i really keep going? do i have the strength to really keep going?
i try to remember an eternal perspective. that God has a plan for us and that he wants us to be happy. theres a reason we have these trials, to learn and be strengthened and become something better. i know you will be blessed for trying to be Christlike and working hard to improve yourself and find peace.
also, i try to remind myself that when we are in the moment—it seems like a huge mountain, but when we look back—it was just a grain of sand. perspective can change everything. but im with you, i currently am struggling to get out of a huge depression from his last slip and a HUGE confession of cheating on me. fantastic. im going to let myself sit in my pain for a lil until i can have even the energy to get up and fight this battle again.
i'd pass the gatorade and orange slices on this emotional time out.
much love jane. ill pray for you
You are exactly right d. Even with each passing day the huge mountain seems less intimidating and more managable.
DeleteThanks for your prayers.
I'll admit, I read this and your husband's post, and I cried. I'm so, so sorry you are going through this. It brought me back to when times were really tough with my husband and me, and it made me remember the dark places I have been and never want to go again. I don't know what to say, other than you are not alone. Not only do you have other people on this earth who are experiencing similar things, you have the Savior. He has felt your pain, and He can succor you.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on step 7 right now, and there is a quote that I have a love-hate relationship with (but puts things into eternal perspective for me): "We had to learn to accept life on God's terms and wait upon His purposes and His timing--even in the removal of our shortcomings." Next to that quote in my book, I wrote about how that applies to the removal of my husband's addiction.
Obviously, it would be ideal if our husband's didn't have this addiction. But, they do, and now there are consequences and things that they need to learn from it. I am trying really hard to trust in the Lord's timing for everything--even the removal of his addiction. There are times that are harder than others, but I can look back now and see the good that has come even through the darkest of times.
I'm praying for you. I hope you can see the light and not get caught in the darkness of this (I know I would be caught in the darkness. no fun.).
Thanks for the comfort and encouragement. It really helps me to feel empathy and support here.
DeleteI am hurting for you today. Like you said in your last post, addiction SUCKS. I want to vomit right about now.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
Thanks MM. I admire and appreciate you.
DeleteI don't know if I've ever been so disappointed in someone else's behavior (Husband excluded). My heart breaks for you (again and again).
ReplyDeleteI have the best WoPA friends! Thanks Buffalo Gal- I'm getting into buffalo mode, I'm gonna be okay.
DeleteI've followed your blog along with others because the honesty I see in you telling your story is inspiring. And I just wanted to say that I hurt for you today. I hate that you have to to through this, and that I've had to go through this, and that countless other wonderful women have to go through this. I am not part of the LDS church, but I find incredible strength in the writing of many WoPAs, and I just wanted you to know that I think you are an inspiring, strong, and thoughtful woman.
ReplyDeleteEleanor- Thanks for your words of kindness. Thanks for speaking up. I visited your blog and already love it.
DeleteRight back at you- I think you are an inspiring, strong and thoughtful woman.
Jane--I am so sorry. I also hurt for you today. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI went to a R.S. activity last night. A fellow WoPA in my ward shared a scripture that really touched me.
Helaman 3:35 "Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in their faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."
Ultimately it is step 3: turning our will to God, accepting His will for our lives that changes us. It is such a hard road to travel. I pray that you will find peace and strength. ***Hugs***
I appreciate you sharing such personal stuff. I can definitely relate, and this addiction does suck. Lust never ceases to amaze me with its cunning, baffling ways. I am inspired by the way you're handling your journey.
ReplyDelete