Hmmm... I don't feel like I am there, at all. It makes me wonder how much is me and how much isn't me.
I also feel like there ARE people I CAN trust. I trust that my parents love me. Yes, they can choose to betray that trust, but after 30 years of not betraying it, I trust that that love is solid.
I do, however, like what you said about trust not being an "all or nothing" game. I'm still trying to figure out how that works in my own relationship with my husband. Whenever I try to open up my heart lately, the lack of trust sends me into a downward spiral and panic mode. I don't trust my husband, I don't. But I do trust him in some ways. I do trust that he will get the kids to church safely if he takes the boys early with him. I do trust that he will start the pasta if I am out with the kids and rushing back. But right now, there is no trust when it comes to anything that makes me vulnerable. I think my husband desires to change...but it's NOT enough for me, not right now. I'm not sure what that says about me.
Not sure what the original post was :) but I've been catching up on all the lovely ladies tonight, and want to put in my 2 bits! I am trying to trust him, but keep feeling the spirit let me know it isn't time yet, so I am trying to trust that for whatever reason I am suppose to be where I am right now, which includes not trusting my husband, and breathing deeply ;)
When it comes to trust, I throw it all in Heavenly Father's court. He will never let me down. I didn't always know that.
ReplyDeleteI do trust the fact that my husband wants to change, and I trust him in a million other NON-PORNY things. And that's enough for me.
I love your honesty -you're wonderful, and I hear you... I speak your language.
Hmmm... I don't feel like I am there, at all. It makes me wonder how much is me and how much isn't me.
ReplyDeleteI also feel like there ARE people I CAN trust. I trust that my parents love me. Yes, they can choose to betray that trust, but after 30 years of not betraying it, I trust that that love is solid.
I do, however, like what you said about trust not being an "all or nothing" game. I'm still trying to figure out how that works in my own relationship with my husband. Whenever I try to open up my heart lately, the lack of trust sends me into a downward spiral and panic mode. I don't trust my husband, I don't. But I do trust him in some ways. I do trust that he will get the kids to church safely if he takes the boys early with him. I do trust that he will start the pasta if I am out with the kids and rushing back. But right now, there is no trust when it comes to anything that makes me vulnerable. I think my husband desires to change...but it's NOT enough for me, not right now. I'm not sure what that says about me.
Gosh YES! Trusting someone is my number one fear. I can't do it.
ReplyDeleteI can trust a handful of people, but my husband is not one of them. Like MM said, "I do trust him in some ways." Grateful I can always trust God:)
ReplyDeleteLove you Jane!
Not sure what the original post was :) but I've been catching up on all the lovely ladies tonight, and want to put in my 2 bits! I am trying to trust him, but keep feeling the spirit let me know it isn't time yet, so I am trying to trust that for whatever reason I am suppose to be where I am right now, which includes not trusting my husband, and breathing deeply ;)
ReplyDelete