04 November 2011


Just as a continuation of my previous thoughts... the concept I described, [that if we knew why someone made the choices they did about divorce we wouldn't judge them for it], can be applied to pretty much everything. 

I have next door neighbors that I have criticized in the past for things like how they discipline their children, that they don't go to church, blah blah blah.  Then last weekend I learned something about them that made me feel so sheepish.  And I thought about all the feelings I've been having lately.

If only I had known what good things they do.  If I had known before that they are always serving our other neighbors, and that they make big sacrifices to get to church activities that anyone else would just skip.  If had known all those things, I never would have been critical of them. 

Isn't that ridiculous?

I'm so ashamed that I can't just take God's word for it.  I can't just trust that if he loves everyone I should too. 

My world came crashing down when I realized my husband, MY husband looked at pornography.  I've been humbled.  This experience is allowing me to see that everyone hurts, everyone gets disappointed, everyone is trying.  Because, by golly I was trying and I still ended up witnessing sin first hand.  Gradually, with much prayer, I am feeling love and acceptance of others without having to force it.  Instead of loving because I am commanded, I love because I need love right now.  I love because I know that in the quiet heart of another can be found the pain that resides in my own quiet heart.

Being married to a pornography addict isn't something you go around asking for sympathy about.  But as I've mentioned before, sympathy is something I desperately want sometimes.  So I am learning how to give it away, no strings attached.  You don't have to tell me why you do what you do, choose what you choose, say what you say.  I'll love you anyway.


  1. what a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing. I'm new to this whole experience, and I'm kind of ashamed to say this wasn't something that had crossed my mind yet, in trying to think of things I can learn from the situation. Unconditional love -- very critical.

  2. I too struggled with being critcal of others before I found out my husband was a sex addict. Now I am more aware of other people's pain...and less likely to judge them. I wish it haden't taken this amount of pain to humble me...

  3. A family member of mine bore her testimony yesterday and mentioned turning to Christ when life isn't the ideal you want it to be. I almost started crying, because in my mind, their life IS ideal. And it hit me that someone I felt I knew so well obviously was dealing with things I didn't know about. (Duh. It goes the other way, too. She has no idea about our struggle.) I can't believe after all this I'm still forgetting that everyone has secret struggles. I, too, am trying to judge less (or envy less in terms of looking at people whose lives seem to be "ideal").