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My old sponsor that I shared my Step 4 with a long time ago
texted me a couple weeks ago and asked if we could get together. I didn’t think much of it, and invited her
over. I hadn’t seen in her in months, my
group meeting attendance has waned big time and it seems like the times I go
she isn’t there either. So she came, and
we talked for three hours. It was really nice, she lives and breathes recovery
and vulnerability. She is honest and wise.
She asked me about how my recovery work was going and I said that I felt
like I’d made good progress but I’d stalled out at Step 8/9 and never
“finished” the 12 steps. She encouraged
me to get back to it and talked me through some fears and excuses.
I still didn’t really think a lot of it. But the next
morning I was dealing with some hard feelings related to something else, and
all of the sudden all my recovery awareness and steps came flooding back to
me. And it felt both familiar and
peaceful, and a little nagging at the same time. The 12 steps have done so much for me, and
I’ve let them slip out of my life.
Self-awareness is really hard and painful, but it is also the absolute
key to my inner peace and self-confidence.
Self-awareness is like a window into grace and the doorway to a clear
conscience. Taking responsibility for
the way I contribute to any misery and frustration in my life is the best way
for me to get out from under said frustration.
Own my stuff, surrender the rest.
Relinquish my efforts to control outcomes and perceptions, let go of
pride and love people.
I had a good talk with my therapist about the ways I try to
control things in my life and he gave me some good insights. Sometimes it’s easier to forget my
codependency, to live in everyone else’s behaviors and victimize or
criticize. But it’s the way I used to
live and I don’t want to be that person anymore.
It’s always been easy for me to be complacent when Pete is
doing well. But I feel like I've made progress surrendering him to God. But there are
dozens of other relationships in my life that would benefit from the kind of
acceptance and recovery that I’ve worked so hard to apply to my marriage.
Here I go again.
I can relate to this so much. A few months ago, my hubby's recovery was going so well, I took it for granted. Than, I noticed some of my old flaws starting to pop up. I also noticed, I was becoming a bit judgey about my hubby's progress and the slogan, "You Spot It, You Got It" occurred to me. I knew it was time to dive back into recovery work. I'd been doing my readings, blogging and seeing my counselor but not anything tangible. I need tangible for it to really work for me. So, I began my 12 steps again. I feel sooo much better!! Wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeleteThank you Elsie- I love that saying "You spot it- you got it" I need to remember it more because I'm so good at spotting. :)
DeleteI am struggling now with wopa blogs. I love yours. There are a couple of others that I love as well. But why the heck does there have to be such division over the 12 steps? They are so misunderstood. It irritates me.
ReplyDeleteI loved all the different takes on 12 steps going on right now -- I love hearing people's own experiences and how they brought them to where they are. I love hearing what is working for people, and how their discoveries of what wasn't working for them spurred them on to new answers to prayers. My hope for each WoPA is a path illuminated for her by God, no matter where it takes her.
DeleteJane, I love your insights, and how well you share them with all of us, 'cause it helps me stay more real with myself and hold myself up to a higher standard. Hugs!
Really nice blog. Happy I found it.
ReplyDelete