05 November 2013

Ain't nothin' gonna break-a-my-stride!

I think I had a mini-anxiety attack last night.  My heart felt like it was racing and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I got in a hot bath but the heat just made me feel like I was suffocating.  So I wrapped my towel around me and stood in a discreet place just outside my garage in the black night. It was so cold but I watched my warm breath float up into the dark sky while steam came off my bare feet.

I had a much needed (obviously!) therapy appointment scheduled for today and I couldn't find anyone to watch my kids.  Ordinarily I could cope with a little obstacle like that...

Lasting motivation just won't stick around for me. I do well for a few days, and then I have a sad moment, which turns into a sad day, which turns into a sad week. And before I know it my life has become unmanageable again.  (Um, Step 1 please?) And by unmanageable I am referring to the fact that I have gained 12 pounds in six months, and may or may not have mold growing in more than one place in my kitchen.

So while I am not sure what I need to help me find sustainable progress, a good song always helps.

Here is my new theme song.  If this throwback doesn't make you LOL, you might be worse off than EVEN ME! And I apologize if the green polka-dot/sequin leotards trigger you.  I found them ridiculously comical.

1 comment:

  1. I came across your blog several months ago, and I've been following your progress (and yes even those times when you feel a backslide!)
    I never had to deal with the issues you face in my 25 year marriage. We do, however, share the feelings of loss and unrealized dreams.
    I write this comment to lend support and applaud you for your courage. Sharing your honesty about your vulnerability and raw emotions is touching the lives of so many. Keep doing what you are doing and trust the process! Ain't nothin' gonna break your stride! There will be hurdles as there always are. You are a survivor!