new perspective

Credit

There is something that feels so wrong to me about posting on my blog when I'm deliberately avoiding everyone else's blogs.  I think I needed to detach a bit, my own conundrum seems so overwhelming I can't find any strength to engage in anyone else's.

Call it self-pity, call it self-care.  Call it the tight rope of trying to get it right.

A few months ago I was driving in my car listenting to an interview with Clay Christensen on the radio.  The man is brilliant and incredibly talented.  The guy graduated with honors and a doctorate degree from Harvard, plus he played basketball at Oxford. 

The interview was mostly out of my leauge, all the economical mumbo-jumbo just sort of floated over my head.  But I kept listening because I was sure it was making me smarter.  Unfortunately the only phrase that my brain could actually process made me realize that I'm really not smart at all.

"There are a lot of people who have lots of answers and no questions."

At the next red light I thumbed the words quickly into my notepad app on my phone because I knew he was talking about me.  There they remained.  I continued to give answers to everyone who wanted them, and many who didn't.  This very blog served as a platform for me to just hemorrhage answers. 

And now I'm spent. 

I flipped through my notepad app, and found what I was looking for.  156 days ago, October 12th, 10:19am.  Dr. Christensen's wisdom.

Dear, dear God.  I have no more answers.  I only have questions.  So. many. questions.