Over a week ago my husband got a call from the stake secretary to set up an appointment with the stake president. We both were pretty sure it was for a new calling and since Pete was out of town we didn't get to meet with him until Sunday. It was a painful week. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that my husband had issues with worthiness. Pete was anxious because he knew he needed to disclose his struggles. Our nervousness was compounded by the fact that our stake president is a stern man.
We met with him during Sunday school. He called in my husband first, to ask privately about worthiness, and then he invited me in. As soon as I saw his face I felt comfort and knew that he was going to be kind.
He was more than kind. We talked briefly about my feelings and how I was coping. He said he felt strongly that the Lord wanted Pete to have this calling but needed to pray again in light of the new information. He asked if he could meet with us again in a few days. At the end of our visit he became emotional as he warned my husband that he had a good wife and not to "lose" me.
To be honest, during the visit I was confused why HE was the one who was weeping. But later on as I thought about it my heart was filled with love and appreciation. I realized how he really does care about the people he meets with. His heart probably aches when he hears about more and more couples struggling with this, because he has probably seen firsthand, marriages destroyed.
It was such a touching experience. I didn't feel judged, I felt loved. I didn't feel criticism, I felt concern. It was a good example to me of how I should be treating others. It has given me humility as I prepare for whatever the Lord has in mind for my husband. It is hard not to be disappointed when I think that he might not be worthy to serve in the calling. And if he does still get called, how is that possible given his proclivities? Either way, it will be another learning experience in this journey.