tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post2040524267011618676..comments2023-10-07T08:28:40.726-07:00Comments on Learning from My Husband's Pornography Addiction: MY recovery = MY happinessJanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15354593791540400671noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post-21534416656684850552012-06-06T21:13:35.092-07:002012-06-06T21:13:35.092-07:00As always, great post Jane. I love the message rec...As always, great post Jane. I love the message recovery for me. I need to hear it often because it's so easy to equate my recovery with his sobriety, so thank you.<br />On Bishops...<br />We've had three Bishops along this journey and it's been interesting to see how each of them has handled the addiction.<br />#1 said something to this effect, "Addiction? Really? I don't know what to do with that. But you haven't crossed any "real" lines right? Ok, let me know if that happens." Simple as that. One interview and the rest was left to us.<br />#2 was waaaay more severe and waaaay more involved. He wanted weekly meetings and gave very detailed "action plans" that G needed to work on and report. As you said, totally co-dep. (Hopefully my temple rec didn't just evaporate for saying that.)<br />#3 our current Bishop has so been soooo wonderful. He meets as often as G would like (which is monthly) has been so great with me and simply listens. He listens, asks questions, and is stingy with advice but free with love and support. I'm so grateful for him! <br />On quitting cold turkey, I have a dear friend whose husband really did quit cold turkey. Two years later she still struggles a lot. It's proof to me that simply taking away the addiction, doesn't heal the wounds.Marleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02081458884731101084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post-63326149245124931142012-06-06T20:28:11.315-07:002012-06-06T20:28:11.315-07:00Keep beating that dead horse. We need to hear it o...Keep beating that dead horse. We need to hear it over and over. "I felt free again." Amen, sister. I feel so free today. It's awesome.Machttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16251056309107388969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post-43408242753290654062012-06-02T00:58:09.144-07:002012-06-02T00:58:09.144-07:00Jane, you are a wise woman. I love this. I am so g...Jane, you are a wise woman. I love this. I am so grateful that you share your wisdom here. <br /><br />I'm reminded of a the painting <a href="http://mormonwoman.org/2011/01/23/healing-from-pornography-addiction-hope-for-addicts-spouses/" rel="nofollow">"Gently Up the Stream"</a> -- which became a visual representation that one couple used for their journey, to help them each remember that their recovery was their own.Mormon Women: Who We Arehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02479667028999828222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post-8592846330633560672012-06-01T21:57:32.689-07:002012-06-01T21:57:32.689-07:00Have I sufficiently beat this dead horse? Or do I ...Have I sufficiently beat this dead horse? Or do I need to bring it up again in the near future?<br /><br />Interesting questions. I have found that even if I consciously decide I am done beating the dead horse, I am ready to really work on our relationship and try to make things the best they can, the dead horse gallops up from behind and surprises me. How many triggers can there be out there? A newspaper article, a picture, a thought, a smell, a scene in a movie, a reminder of a moment of past trauma sneaks up and surprises you with a dose of emotion. Completely overwhelmed, and usually including unexpected crying, it is hard work to put it back aside and decide you don't want to suffer from the post traumatic stress today. Each trigger is a new journey to crawl out of the emotional pit of pain. How long do the triggers last? Maybe they never totally go away but just get farther and farther apart and a little less intense as we learn to cope better and forgive more. Why can't I put all this away? He's been clean for a few months. He thinks he will never use again. He says there are no temptations. How many times has this happened and then the cycle begins again? Will the worry about when the next bomb will drop ever release its hold?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4105200008559051844.post-32955425697453869572012-06-01T08:58:55.258-07:002012-06-01T08:58:55.258-07:00This has become my Bishop's new goal -- to foc...This has become my Bishop's new goal -- to focus on the wives, to make sure they're healing and getting what they need, to direct them to the meetings. (He's been good about this for awhile, but he's like redoubling his efforts). <br />I like what you said about becoming a better wife than ever before -- I feel that way too. I don't know what else happening in my life would've caused me to look so deeply, honestly and humbly at myself to improve how I treat my husband quite like this trial has!HXhttp://workingtowardshealing.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com